remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
