Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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