My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
