he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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