are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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