The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
3 2 1 whiskey
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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