I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Randomize
