I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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