I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Come see our sink grown plant.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
