Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
her vagine was all disorganized.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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