yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
