You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize