i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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