I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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