So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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