How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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