I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
