I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
