i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
