The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
