I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
