my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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