I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
