do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
This is the prime rib incident all over again
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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