u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The Olympian is in my bed
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
