wrigley field is MILF paradise
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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