Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
