Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
