Houston, we have a squirter
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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