How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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