Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
