I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
