I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize