The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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