Your face is a jimmy john
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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