I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
