i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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