bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
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