he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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