Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
