Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
