His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
