It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
