I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize