i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
