He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
