Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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