I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
