you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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