why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
