Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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