My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
