i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
