If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
