youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
