Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
