but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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