I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
