Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
