Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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