i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize