Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
