So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
