Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize