i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
