did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize