If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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