Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
