Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
