Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
