Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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