So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
