i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
