Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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