is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
