i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize