swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
