oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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