Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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