I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
