Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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