I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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