I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
