Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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