Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
