I bet he comes in French.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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