She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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