he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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