The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
