My room smells like vodka and shame
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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