I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
