matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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