the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Randomize
