I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
