Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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