Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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