all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
