Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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