I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
