he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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