Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
