Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
