I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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