If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
