Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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