You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
