Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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