Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
