Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
