I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
