What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
