I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just high enough for therapy.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
