to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
