Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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