I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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