I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
